Besties. Insomnia and I

Oh Insomnia. I would call you a friend since we hang out so very often. But friends aren't as total destructive as you are. I can't fall asleep naturally. So I take medications that cause me to not make such great decisions at 4 AM. It has also lead to rumors of my vampirism.

I'm going to set the record straight. Yes, I am a vampire. A fabulous Victorian Vulcan Vampire (cause if you're going to make this shit up you might as well make it good). Do not be surprised if I pass you on the street (at night of course) in full Victorian regalia and I offer my wish for you to live long and prosper. Fair warning. 

The benefit of my insomnia is I am very well read now. I go through a normal size book in a day or two. Tomes like the kind Diana Gabaldon write take a wee bit longer. As an aside, I'm a huge Outlander fan and I'm sure I will fangirl about it later. So I know a bunch of stuff. Unfortunately due to my fibro fog, getting the information back out of my head can be tricky.

Another benefit to my insomnia is the middle of the night shopping. When I'm high on Ambien and get woken up (like right now) I tend to shop. Then a few days later packages arrive and surprise, its like Christmas! Surprise, here is what you bought. Sometimes it's a good thing. Other times not so much. Amazon has been really dangerous.

The bad thing about insomnia is it causes me to make poor decisions. Think about not sleeping for 2-3 days straight. Are you going to make the most level-headed decisions? I know I don't. It also makes the pain associated with my fibromyalgia and my autoimmune worse. 

Insomnia is not uncommon for people with autoimmune issues and fibromyalgia. Do you experience insomnia? How do you handle it? Please comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

XOXO

A Lone Spoonie

Who Am I?

Who am I? The answer to this question depends on when you met me. If you know me from before I was chronically ill, you know a different person from the person I am today. Before I was a corporate ladder climbing career woman. I was involved in a variety of activities. I also had an amazing collection of high heels to go with all those power suits. It didn't hurt that I passed a number of DSW's on my way home from work.

Then I got sick. A diagnosis was a long time coming. I got passed from specialist to specialist. I lost one activity and then another. It only took about 6 months to lose my job. That was my low point. I felt like I had lost everything. I still didn't what was wrong with me.

The period of time between losing my job and being diagnosed is one of the darkest periods in my life.

But then I was diagnosed. And I began to get treatment (for the record I have an autoimmune and fibromyalgia). With treat I was able to have some functional days. I began to do stuff again. I discovered new hobbies, one of which was burlesque.

I stumbled upon it because of a friend. I began to attend shows in my area and events. At one show a two hour intro class was offered. I have two hours. Might be fun. It turned out to be life changing. It was exercise, but not exercise. It required movement and balance, two things I was lacking at the time. Burlesque was fun and of course a little naughty.

I signed up for classes. My stamina improved. So did my self confidence! But did I have the courage to get naked on stage? Not at first. I worked up to that. Six months after that intro class I performed for the first time. What a rush!!

Burlesque isn't just about the physicality or the adrenalin rush of performing. It turns out to be a pretty kick ass community. It's full of creative and crazy talented people. It's full of caring, supportive people. In some cases they have become adopted family. My life is so much fuller because of burlesque.

Who am I? I am a daughter, a sister, a wife. I am someone with a chronical illness. I have a wide variety of interests and hobbies. I am a burlesque performer. Even with a chronical illness I can still be a lot of things.

So the question is, who do you want to be?

So It Begins

So here it is. Me. All of me. Nothing hidden. Nothing censored. So you will pardon me that I write this blog anonymously. You see, there are lots of pieces of me and not everyone knows everything. which is tiring. What are the pieces of me you ask?

I'm a 30 something female with a wide variety of interests who has a chronic illness that keeps me in bed most days. Not terribly scandalous huh? I'm also a burlesque performer (that's more like it), who was raised in a very religious conservative home and my family doesn't know about my alter ego.

I've written blogs before. Blogs as the real me, blogs as my stage persona. But never a blog written by all of me.  I love being on stage, all the sparkles and feathers, all the glamour and creativity. I also love being me. I love to spend time reading books and drinking whiskey. I have a number of crafts that I'm into (and might blog about later). I also have some pretty cool things I collect. One part of me I don't love is the chronically ill me.

That's the me I can never predict. Will I have a good day? Will I feel good enough to get things accomplished? Will I lay in bed another day in too much pain to move, further shutting me away from the outside world? I never know.

So I invite you to come on this journey with me. This is where I attempt to put all the parts of me back together again. Will you join me on this exploratory journey?